Week 10: Believe!
Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.
This time of year is magical for me! Christmas lights everywhere seem to sparkle and shine telling the miracle of Christ’s birth and life. Red and green are everywhere, both are now a couple of my favorite colors. It is as if the whole world is exploding with joy and love. With small children the magic manifests itself even more. The awe of a small child walking into the living room with the Christmas tree gleaming. The squeals of laughter as you daughter finds out that, Fridgy the family elf, has gone zip lining with dental floss again in the living room. There is a joy that as I mentioned last week, “makes one’s heart grow”.
So why was I so sad? A few experiences manifested themselves to be challenging but I love challenges! So why was I so down? At every turn it was as if I had to deflect another thought of inability as a mother or wife. Questioning what my real purpose was in life and if I could really accomplish my goals. The adversary is a cunning voice that manipulates and twists things till there is no juice of life left. For a couple of days I felt as if I was running away from a dark storm chasing me, always on my heels.
Then an epiphany! In the darkness all it takes is one star, one light to shine to find your way. Then the light grows.
I almost started chanting “I do believe in fairies, I do, I do”, over and over. “I do believe in me, I do, I do!” I need to believe! Just like little “H” who is so sure every morning that Fridgy will have performed his next adventurous feat of epic Christmas proportions. She believes with every fiber and every curl on her cute little head that Santa will know that she needed to make some edits to her list and that she didn’t need to write another letter.
What happens to us as adults? As a child so innocent and pure, resilient like a bouncy ball to falling, unscathed by doubts and fears. Today I am like a child on Christmas morning every day of the year. I shout from the roof no more as a doubting Thomas….I believe!
“So long as there is breath in me, that long will I persist…I will persist. I will win.”